


"What will keep me going then?"

by SoftlyFallsTheSnow



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: (I put those three tags in just to cover my bases BUT that event is not actually covered in this fic, (NOT ever confirmed in canon, (but with a come-to-terms-with-it ending), (or I tried my best for it at any rate), (seriously all the spoilers), (sorry boys I adore you too, (though one of the main points of this fic is to counter that line of thought anyway), Angst, Angst and Feels, Asexual Character, Canon Compliant, Canon Disabled Character, Canonical Character Death, Episode Ignis, Episode Ignis Spoilers, Feels, Future Character Death, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Ignoct (BUT not in a traditionally romantic way... explanation in notes), Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Mild Language, Prompto in particular, Spoilers, Tears, and some camping thrown in there too, but I strongly believe that it is true due to certain canon characterization traits), but this fic is for Iggy :) ), it is only referenced, last day to live, main game ending spoilers, mild hints of implied consideration of suicide, okay I think I covered everything? :P :), the other two chocobros exist but are literally only mentioned once lol, which is why I did not put a death tag in the archive warnings section)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 15:15:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14215911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoftlyFallsTheSnow/pseuds/SoftlyFallsTheSnow
Summary: "Ignis stood outside alone, just breathing deeply for a few moments and collecting his thoughts.Today was the day. The end... and the beginning."





	"What will keep me going then?"

**Author's Note:**

> IN WHICH EPISODE IGNIS UTTERLY RUINED ME AND I HAD TO WRITE THIS JUST TO MANAGE ALL MY FEELS
> 
> ...Otherwise known as a direct continuation of the chronologically-final scene Ignis and Noctis share in Episode Ignis' canon (main) ending-- which appears to itself chronologically occur after that equally-devastating mid-credits campfire scene with all 4 guys in the main game-- because while, yes, it was indeed amazing, IMO Ignis still needed more, dang it! :P
> 
> That said, though, whatever you believe Noctis' proclivities are (since unlike, say, Prompto, who in canon will happily attempt to go after nearly anything with boobs, LOL :P , Noctis' preferences actually aren't really made all that clear; personally, I guess I always pretty much thought of Noctis as straight just from the general sense of things {...plus, y'know, Luna}, but with some of the dialogue and other characterization stuff that happens with Noct in canon, I can totally understand there being other interpretations), with _Ignis_ , on the other hand, it seems pretty obvious to me that-- despite his now-indeed-canon all-consuming devotion to Noct-- he actually seems _very_ asexual (and I'm ace myself, so I should know, LOL); so IMO there was no romance there in the _traditional_ sense (nor will I write any). _**However**_ , as previously stated, Ignis' devotion and (let's just call it like it is) _love_ \-- though I do truly believe that that love, while incredibly deep, was a nonsexual one-- was so complete that Noct was basically Ignis' entire world and reason for existence. Hence, both he (and me! :P ) needing just a _little_ bit more out of the wrap-up to really bring _full_ closure, IMO.
> 
> TL;DR: Let the angst resume! ;P
> 
> (+ CREDIT: I honestly have no idea if I wrote the scene first and thus this was a total coincidence or if I had seen the art first and thus it was in my subconscious somewhere when I wrote this; but both because it's just a beautiful piece of art on its own as well as in case it was indeed the latter, I very gratefully credit this artist/artwork with the inspiration for the hug scene in this fic's second paragraph: <http://kandismon.tumblr.com/post/166929534359/its-okay-patreon> )
> 
> (+ More notes on canon-compliancy stuff at the end of the fic.)
> 
> OKAY ENOUGH RAMBLING NOW LET'S GET TO IT

_(Originally written in mid-March 2018)_

~~~~~~~~~

Ignis tried to smile for Noct's sake, but it wavered as first one tear, then another managed to escape from his unseeing eyes. Worse yet, he found that despite his best efforts, this quickly became an unstoppable flood, which swept away the remains of the smile along with it.

Noctis understood. He used their still-joined hands to gently pull Ignis into a comforting embrace. Ignis didn't resist; he clung to Noct like a drowning man and buried his face into the prince's shoulder as he wept.

Ten seemingly-endless years' worth of fierce hope, black despair, grim determination, and desperate (though clearly futile) research on the scourge all crumbled into one single, world-ending realization:

_I couldn't save him. I'm going to lose him, just as I was shown. It was all for nothing... it's over._

Noctis knew very well indeed that, of his three close companions, Ignis' grief would by far be the deepest; so he let it run its course, just holding Ignis with a quiet and patient strength until the taller man could recover his composure.

Quite some time later, once the tears had finally run dry, the two men simply sat side-by-side in mutual silence for a while. A small part of Ignis' mind was admittedly rather embarrassed by that outburst, but mostly he just didn't care. After all, this was going to be the last night he'd ever spend on Eos with the one person who made up his entire reason for living. If he couldn't be open now, when could he?

Ignis opened his mouth to tell Noctis everything, but just at that moment, Noct suddenly spoke first.

"I know, you know."

Ignis shut his mouth in surprise at the interruption, then opened it again an instant later to drily respond out of sheer force of habit, "Well, _that_ was a sentence. Want to try that again?"

Noctis snorted softly. "Very funny. I thought this was supposed to be a serious moment here."

Again out of sheer habit, Ignis adjusted his visor. "Indeed. However, you must admit that with a sentence structure as abysmal as that, you were clearly asking for it."

Noctis smiled fondly at the old familiar tone of the conversation. "Yes, I suppose I was." Then he took a long breath and began again. "What I meant was that I know everything already-- everything about how you were blinded, and _why_... and what it meant."

Ignis forgot to keep breathing.

Several heartbeats later-- once he had recovered from the shock of this completely unexpected revelation, and was able to get his lungs to work properly again-- Ignis managed to force out just one word: "......How?"

"The ring... and the crystal."

_Ah,_ Ignis realized, feeling a bit numb. _I... really should have thought of that._

Ignis hadn't worn the ring long enough to have seen any coherent memories from its previous bearers himself, of course; but Noctis had worn it constantly while being steeped within the power of the crystal itself for ten whole years. Of course he would have seen them. He would have seen them all.

"You've always been the one closest to me, Iggy, but I have to apologize to you for never truly realizing just how deep and how absolute your... devotion to me was until I experienced the memory of what you did... and how you felt when you did it." Noctis paused, then continued with just the hint of a smirk, "On the other hand, I guess now I know why you seemed to have never once taken off that skull pendant since I got it for you all those years ago, among other things."

Ignis turned his head away slightly. He certainly couldn't deny the part about the necklace, so he chose to address only the first portion of Noctis' statement instead. "You have nothing to apologize for, Noct. I know that when others sacrifice themselves for your sake, it pains you the most. Still, that is who I am; I could do nothing else. I meant every word and action, I accepted every possible consequence, and I would have more than willingly done it again and again until nothing remained of either my body or my soul if that could have saved you, no matter your own feelings on the subject." Ignis paused, then continued more softly, "However, I never felt any need to express it, or for you to know, until tonight. Just being at your side, if at all possible, was enough. Even more, you merely being alive and safe was enough. It always was."

"...But 'now that's over'? 'All for nothing,' you think?"

Ignis' breath hitched again, and he turned his head sharply back in the direction of Noctis' voice. "Noct, how on _Eos_ did you--"

"Iggy," Noctis reminded him gently, "I _did_ just say that I experienced everything in that memory, including how you felt. To you, I'm... well......" Here he shifted, slightly embarassed at having to say such a thing aloud about himself. "I'm essentially your sole reason for living, right?"

"...Indeed-- and you always have been," Ignis breathed, barely audible; tears were threatening to break loose once more. "I _knew_ that all of this would happen. I was bestowed with a vision of it. Yet I still dared to think that perhaps-- just perhaps-- there was some small chance that I could find another way." Ignis shook his head, hands now clenched into fists. "No, I _had_ to find another way! Every gods-damned day of these accursed past ten years, that alone kept me alive. That, and the fact that I... at least, if nothing else, for just one more day... I knew I could be beside you. But tomorrow..." Ignis' voice cracked; he swallowed and began again. "Tomorrow, after the sun finally dawns, on a world without you in it... what will keep me going then?"

Noctis was silent for a few moments, then replied just as softly, "...What if I ask you to?"

Ignis' breath caught for a third time. "Noct..."

"Iggy, I know now that you would much rather stand at my side even in death, if my own life must be paid. No matter the pain, no matter the cost, you'd follow me anywhere, afterlife included. But only I can bring the light back to this world once and for all... and only you can properly rebuild it."

Ignis sighed ruefully at this, as he knew precisely where the conversation would go next. "You know that I will always oblige a request from you in the end, Noct. But why ask me, specifically, to lead? Not _merely_ to extend my soon-to-be-empty life a few more interminable years in some sort of misguided attempt to 'save' me, I hope?"

"Come now," Noctis replied mildly, "You know better than that. Yes, of course I want you to live-- you'll join me in the afterlife soon enough anyway without purposefully hastening it; people only live so long in the first place. But in the meantime, I want you to be able to live for something other than me for a change--"

"Noct," Ignis interrupted in a somewhat exasperated tone, "I do appreciate your concern, but if you experienced as much through that ring as you claim to have done, then you know full well that that will never happen."

"...Touché," Noct admitted wryly. "Alright then, how's this: You're the most intelligent person I know, and you're already in a position of some authority. People will trust you to lead them, and you're brilliant enough to figure out everything that needs to be done and how to get all of those things done in the best and most efficient ways possible with what resources are available. That is what will be needed now, and you're the best possible choice for the job, so I'm personally asking you to handle it. And it still counts as living for me because it's my last request. Is that acceptable?"

Ignis was silent for a few moments. Then he countered the question with an observation instead. "Earlier, you interrupted me intentionally when I said that you wouldn't be going alone." _When I was about to say, "I'll go with you, all the way to the end,"_ he finished in his thoughts.

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about," Noct said in a mischievously innocent tone. "Could it be you're trying not to give me an answer?"

"Me? Avoiding a question? Perish the thought," Ignis said in an equally innocent tone. "As for your request...... it is just barely acceptable, I suppose," Ignis finally answered with the slightest of smirks.

"Good," Noctis replied with a slight smile of his own.

~~~~~~~~~

A little while later, everyone had naturally sprawled into their old familiar places in the tent, almost as if no time had passed at all-- Ignis was on Noct's right, Prompto was on Noct's left, and Gladio was on the other side of Prompto.

No one could actually seem to fall asleep, however, as the weight of what would happen tomorrow laid far too heavy upon them all.

Soon after they had all gotten as comfortable as they could under the circumstances, Ignis had ended up latching one of his hands onto Noctis' shirt, his aura radiating a sort of quietly-desperate desire for closeness.

Since Ignis could not see, he only had his other senses to work with; and Noct knew that Ignis was just trying to hold onto his presence for as long as he could-- the equivalent of 'burning an image into memory' for those with working sight. So the prince gently set one of his hands on top of Ignis', trying to offer whatever final solace he could.

At the unexpected, reciprocal touch, Ignis took a long breath, and his aura seemed to settle; and Noctis somehow knew that Ignis would be fine now. Well, not _fine_ , exactly; in all likelihood, Ignis would never truly feel whole again, and that was just the start of it. However, he _would_ do as Noct had asked, and he would do it exceptionally well-- the world and the remaining people would be far better off, and Ignis would not allow himself to succumb to despair.

And that was all Noct could ask for.

~~~~~~~~~

It was morning-- if one could even distinguish a 'morning' in a world devoid of light.

As usual, Ignis was the first to rise. The others had finally managed to doze off by the early hours, but Ignis had not. He couldn't possibly allow himself to miss any of the last moments he had left on this planet to be by the side of the one person he cared for above all else.

Ignis stood outside alone, just breathing deeply for a few moments and collecting his thoughts.

Today was the day. The end... and the beginning.

Ignis had finally made his peace with Noct's request. He knew that it was indeed partially an excuse to make him live on; frankly, that was blatantly obvious. _Noct always did have an issue or two with subtlety,_ Ignis smirked wryly. However, he also knew that, in the end, Noct was right-- Ignis truly _was_ the right choice for the job. And, besides, Noct was fully trusting him to follow this through. There was no way in Ifrit's hell that Ignis was going to disappoint him.

And, perhaps-- just perhaps-- with something that monumental as his task, those years it would take for Ignis to live out the rest of his life on Eos and then finally return home to his place at Noct's side might not be so interminable after all.

Ignis took one last deep breath, then turned towards the cookware.

"Time to make breakfast," he said.

 

~fin.~

**Author's Note:**

> Everything specifically referenced in this is canon-compliant as far as I know, _except_ for the sleeping arrangements in the tent when they camp, and how Ignis obtained that skull pendant/necklace of his. As for the former, the layout I describe just seemed the most logical to me given their respective personalities; and in regards to the latter, while it's apparently just a fanon theory going around at this point that Noct got that pendant for Ignis (someone please tell me the inventor of this theory so I can credit and thank them as well!  <3 ), I simply love that idea so dang much (and it seriously just _fits_ so dang _well_ , with him literally never taking it off and such-- I mean, come on!) that I am 100% claiming that it's true, LOL~ ;D
> 
> Comments, corrections, and/or constructive crit are all very much welcome! :)


End file.
